DBZ Letters- Episode V: "The Uninformed Strike Back!"

Lt. Jonathan "Underfaker" Lindsey

First off, this is not going to be hate mail. It may be disagreeing mail and may piss some people off, but I like to encourage healthy debate.

There is nothing more annoying than people who look down on DBZ fans. They call us "dubbies" or the "uninformed". Shall I break this down even further?

A) Dubbies- These are the people who have only seen the dubbed episodes of DBZ and know nothing of future episodes or what happens next in the story. This is a bad thing? I'm sorry, but my idea of enjoying DBZ is not watching bad fansubs with C+ quality. I admit, the only episodes of DBZ that I have seen is everything Cartoon Network has put out, a few episodes of the Android Saga, a few episodes of the Majin Buu Saga and Movies 7, 8, 9, and 11. Any every episode I watched I utterly hated. The people were blurry and the dialouge sounded like total crap. Granted, there probably are better tapes, but I don't feel like paying money for something I know will be dubbed soon. Thats like asking me to rent a movie that will be on HBO in two weeks.

"We know nothing of future episodes or what happens next in the story." Yeah. So? Do you buy a book, read the first few chapters then go straight to the end? Patience is a very magical thing. Nothing ruins a good story by already knowing how it ends. Hypothetical scenario- Two people are watching DBZ, Freiza Saga. One person knows that Goku will continue, Krillin dies and Goku reaches Super Saiyan (Or Saiya-Jin for you other people). The other person is a "dubbie" and knows nothing of what happens next. Frieza has taken the Genki Dama (Spirit Bomb) and survived. Who will enjoy the next few episodes the most? The answer will be the "dubbie", simply because you are on an emotional rollercoaster. You see Freiza still alive and your heart races and you wonder "Oh man...Goku threw his best shot and Freiza took it!". It builds suspense to unbelievable levels. When you see Krillin die, your heart drops fifty miles because you know that Goku might be next. Suddenly he goes ape sh*t nuts, turns golden and becomes a Super Saiya-Jin!!! He proceeds to thrash Freiza and all is right with the world. However, the other person knows that Goku will turn Super Saiya-Jin before Goku EVEN LEAVES EARTH. Where is the fun in that?! No suspense, no hype, no excitement. It kills the joy. Hell, you can even argue the same thing about if Goku gets off Planet Namek. You know he survives, but how?! HOW?! If you are the "dubbie" you spend days in eager anticipation of discovering the truth. Mr. Know-It-All simply rattles off the answer with no joy and probably goes to his tape collection to watch it in Super Bad Quality (SBQ).

Try an argument like this if you want to see my point- Someone talks about how powerful the Kaioken attack is. They say nothing can surpass its power. You quickly inform the person of SSJ. Of course, since they haven't seen the Freiza Saga, they know nothing of SSJ. You immidiately dub the person a moron. Think of this- When DBZ first debuted (I have no idea when...) Japanese kids watched Vegeta vs. Goku for the first time. Goku powers up Kaioken and trashes Vegeta. This was BEFORE Freiza Saga appeared on any t.v. They would immidiately think, "Wow, Kaioken is the strongest thing ever!" And this would be true because they didn't know about SSJ yet. Nobody did. So for a span of months, every person that watched DBZ on its first run absolutely KNEW that nothing was more powerful than Kaioken. Suddenly, they see SSJ. Now every person that watched DBZ on its first run absolutely KNEW that nothing was more powerful than SSJ. Then Gohan becomes extremely pissed and hit SSJ 2. NOW every person that watched DBZ on its first run absolutely KNEW nothing was more powerful than SSJ 2. You can repeat this little game for SSJ 3 and SSJ 4. Hopefully you see my point by now.

B) The Uninformed- Now I can't stand up for the people who get things or people wrong, because if they went through the trouble of bringing it up, then they should go through the trouble of getting it right. Like momma used to say, "If you gonna do something right, do it right the first time." However, don't instantly condemn these people. If they got it right, big deal. Correct them and move on. If we educate, then more people can be enlightened. No one is perfect. And I know these people because I used to be just like them. I mean, you see a pic of Goten and you might instantly think its Gohan if you didn't know any better. Or even if you did know any better. I have a pic of Goku standing behind a child that has gone SSJ, and I can't tell if its Gohan or Goten! Once, I saw a pic of Vegeta and Miari Trunks in SSJ form. I couldn't tell them apart! They were both wearing armor! They both had golden spiked hair. I literally couldn't tell them apart! So if someone does say the wrong thing, don't look down on them. Take it easy. Also keep it mind- Maybe they can't get fansub DBZ. Maybe they don't have the money to or can't find a reliable dealer. Chew on that.

This also brings me to the discussion "FUNimation slaughtered DBZ those evil Nazi homophobic bastards/bitches" (See, i'm into equality). I love this discussion because there is so much to cry about!

1) "The voices are horrible" How do you figure that? Its not the end of the world. I loved Brian Drummond's (Vegeta's) voice from Season 1 & 2. People cried over the Internet, "That voice is horrible! That sounds nothing like Vegeta! He sounds like a wuss!" The voice was not horrible. And of course he sounds nothing like Vegeta...maybe its because HE DIDN'T DO THE ORIGINAL VOICE. And on my personal opinion, he did not sound like a wuss. But thats my opinion. For some reason, Goku's voice changed about 50 times during the seasons... Muten Roshi had a great voice for an old guy. I don't agree with the Season 3 "Colonel Sanders" voice. But I have no power or control so too bad.

2) "They edit out violence/words/names/sayings etc." Of course they edit out violence. This is America. I know that doesn't make much sense, but censors have more power than anything. And some parents (foolishly) believe that animated violence is much worse than simulated violence. But the American culture is MUCH more different from Japanese culture and we have to respect that. Hell, BRITISH culture is much more different than American. In Japan, you can watch King Of The Deathmatch Wrestling Tournament on primetime tv. In Britain, frontal nudity of women is perfectly normal. We just have to accept that.

The names are changed to protect the innocent... :) The names are changed and everyone pops a gasket. So what if he went from Rikium to Recoome? Taurus to Turles? Son Goku to Goku? BIG DEAL.

3) "I HATE THE NEW OPENING THEME SONG!!!" Never before have I heard so many people complain about an opening theme. I personally love "Rock The Dragon". I love it 50 times more than "Head-Cha-La" or "We Got Power". It has a cool opening riff and the guitar solos rule. When I watch "Head-Cha-La", I feel as if I am watching a TRUE 8-year old's cartoon. "We Got Power" is good too. "Rock The Dragon" has 7 words. Big deal. That is not a bad thing. American people have very short attention spans. We go crazy over catchphrases and fads. A theme song like "Head-Cha-La" or "We Got Power" would not go over well because its too long. On a side note, I like the opening theme for Rurouni Kenshin (and yes, I DO KNOW that it changes later in the series, but since I haven't heard the others, I can't really dispute this love).

It seems as if I am now the new spokesperson of the uninformed. In fact, I don't know somethings about DBZ/DBGT that maybe you "holier than thou dubbies" people can help me out with!

1) If Radditz was ever brought back (why is that?) and he trained hard enough, if he went SSJ, would he automatically go SSJ 3 because of his hair length? Would his hair grow incredibly short? If not and he only went SSJ, then if he went SSJ 2, would his hair grow even longer than Goku's at SSJ 3? C'mon...

2) Allright, what the hell is Vegeta saying? "I'll just use my (insert name here) and blow the whole thing up!" Is it Gallet, Gallick, Galaxy, Garlic...what the hell is the name of his Gun?!

3) On a similar note, why can't anyone agree on a universal name for somebody? Goku/Gokuu/Gokuh? Vegeta/Vegita/Bejeeta? Brolly/Broili/Buroli? Freeza/Freiza/Freezer? Saiya-Jin/Saiyan? Radditz/Raditz? The only way I know how to resolve this is by using the FUNimation names because they are the only ones that remain consistent. That would mean Goku would stay Goku (not Gokuh or Gokuu), Vegeta would be Vegeta (Not Vegita or Bejeeta), and Freiza would remain Freiza (Not Freeza or Freezer). This all came about because of fansubs, so its best to stay with the people who make the show (FUNimation and Saban).

4) Why is it when everyone makes a list of Saiya-Jins that survived the Planet Vegeta's destruction no one includes Turles (Taurus)? We always hear Goku, Vegeta, Nappa, Radditz, Brolly and Paragus survive, but never Taurus? Also, are Goku and Turles related? Tree Of Might does not give a very good explaination. "We are both lower class soldiers." I'm also a college student, but I don't look like the person that sits beside me in Physics. The similarity has to be twins. Is it? Clone maybe? Just don't say coincidence!

5) Vegeta goes Super Saiya-Jin, but doesn't have a pure heart. He once said, "Its pure...PURE EVIL!" Does that apply? Does the person have to be pure good? Can they be pure evil and go SSJ? ARGH!

6) Why doesn't Raditz get the accolades he deserves? He is a person in DBZ that beat the living hell out of BOTH Piccolo and Goku, then ends up (inadvertantly) killing Goku! Freiza couldn't kill Goku. Cell kills Goku, but only because Goku wants it that way (And I still believe he could have
teleported out of there in time) and Gohan has to save Goku's bacon...again! I mean, can he get a little bit more respect? He is called a weakling and a coward. Not so. He took on Piccolo and Goku head on and almost won if Gohan hadn't saved them.

7) Why wasn't Raditz ever wished back to life? I'm sure if Vegeta could reform than Raditz could too. Also, why does Raditz lie to Goku by saying Planet Vegeta was hit by a comet, rather than say Freiza blew it up? He knew about it- Vegeta told him and Nappa!

8) Why couldn't Shen Lon destroy the Saiyans? Don't tell me he can't grant a wish that exceeds Kami's power! If he can bring people back from the dead, he should be able to bump somebody off.

9) Are people on DBZ as stupid as they really seem? Did NOBODY have the idea to take Dende back to Freiza's ship to heal Goku so that the battle might have went differently? He would have still gone SSJ (If he didn't kill Freiza before Freiza hit Form 4) and Krillin got bumped off.

10) Okay, how in God's name (Or should I say Kami's name?) does Goku and Vegeta keep their hair standing? Goku trains in 100 TIMES EARTH'S NORMAL GRAVITY and his hair stays up. He stays submerged in water of nearly an hour and it still stands up! Vegeta trains in 300 TIMES EARTH'S NORMAL GRAVITY and his hair still stays straight! What the hell?!

11) Does it bother anybody that Vegeta and Bulma never get married? They have a kid and Mirai Trunks says, "They never got married...I don't think mom liked that idea." Did they end up getting married?!

12) Does SSJ 4 even qualify as Super Saiya-Jin? The hair doesn't turn gold, their get evil eyes, a tail pops out and they grow red fur! They also become insanely powerful. So...is SSJ 1-3 really Super Saiya-Jin or is SSJ 4 not? Does SSJ 4 make you a legendary Super Saiya-Jin?

13) What the hell is up with Ultra Super Saiya-Jin? This is supposedly a form between SSJ and SSJ 2 that only Miari Trunks and Brolly achieve. Wouldn't it stand to reason since it is a new form that it should be classified as SSJ 2, bringing the count of SSJ forms to 5? And its a form that increases your power but decreases your speed...whatever. I didn't see Brolly's speed decrease when he was beating the hell out of every DBZ character.

14) You always hear of Gotenks going SSJ then SSJ 3. Does he hit SSJ 2? Why does he get to skip it?!

15) Could we come up with a longer name for Cell? Ultra Perfect Cell doesn't seem good enough.

16) Why doesn't Gohan turn SSJ when he is Super Saiyaman? It would be a lot easier to conceal his identity with a new hair color and new eye color. When he fights the giant demon creature he shoots at it, but not as SSJ! WHY?!

17) Gohan is rumored to be the most powerful person in DBZ..that lasts until he hits SSJ 2. Why? This is the kid that had a powerlevel that nearly quadrupled his dad's power when he got mad! But he can't be bothered to go SSJ 3? School ain't that important. Is Goten and Trunks as powerful as he is? They hit SSJ at an early age.

18) Why does Gohan's tail keep growing back? Does it quit when he gets older? Is it because he is human/Saiyan? Why doesn't Trunks have a tail? Or Goten? How come?!